Three weeks to go…

Less than three weeks now until we set out on holiday to visit relatives a.k.a. the Toxic Custard Tour Of America. Well, actually it’s two weeks boiling in Phoenix, and two weeks getting wet in Seattle. With a bunch of hours hanging around LAX changing planes.

Grand Prix 2

Well, the Grand Prix was pretty impressive. Especially that crash in the first lap.

The advertising puzzles me. Billboard cigarette advertising’s been banned for years in this state. But the rule appears to be "if it’s the Grand Prix, it’s okay." Hmmm. At least the government warning has to be proportionally increased with the size of the ad, so you’ve got a huge, 90,000 point font saying "SMOKING KILLS" next to it.

The pitstops visits were very fast, of course. Ten or fifteen seconds to refuel and change the tyres. So why is it that mechanics always take so long to repair cars? If they really tried hard, they could be finished in a matter of seconds.


We all have had strange beliefs about how the world works. When I was a kid, I naturally used to dread the unwanted fart. Especially at school, while in class. But inevitably it would squeeze its way out. So I hit upon a plan to prevent the people around me from getting the whiff. Easy. Logical. Couldn’t fail. I’d breathe it all in myself. Of course! If I got all the smelly bits, nobody else could smell it, could they! Brilliant!

Alarm clock problem

I have a bit of a problem with my alarm clock. It doesn’t go off at the right time. It doesn’t seem to understand that in the morning, I want to be woken up ten to fifteen minutes later than when I said I wanted to be woken up the night before.

Mass killings

Interesting stats in the newspaper last week. Apparently of the 70 victims of mass-killings in Australia and New Zealand between 1987 and 1993, 84% of them were killed by lunatics using legally owned guns. Well! That’s a relief, isn’t it! ‘Cos I’d hate to be gunned down by a lunatic who WASN’T allowed to be armed!

Maybe the gun lobby’s saying "Guns don’t kill people, people kill people" needs to be amended. To something like "Guns don’t kill people, people with guns kill people."

The article also said that 95% of people were killed by a familiar person. So here’s a message to all my friends and family: Keep your distance, I’m watching you.