Vaccuum cleaner

Last year we got a new vaccuum cleaner. The interesting thing about it is the lack of retractable cord. It’s as if the designers said "right! That’s it! We know everybody’s sick of retractable cords that don’t work. Oh sure, they whiz back away for the first few months, but then they slow down and stop, and everyone has to slowly wind them back into the cleaner. Well we’re sick of that. We know we’re beat. Let’s make this cleaner NOT have a retractable cord."

Trading Post

Reading through the Trading Post over the weekend, a few of the ads struck me as a trifle suspect. See what you think:

Infrared & low light hand held night scope, Israeli made, suit surveillance or hobbyist $750

Hobbyist?! Just what kind of hobby requires a hand held night scope?! Only one really comes to mind, and that involves scrambling around in bushes at night infringing people’s privacy.

But if you think that’s weird, try this:

THE GOAT BLOKE
Goats for sale or hire

Hire?! Why on earth would I want to hire a goat? I wonder if he checks them for damage when they’re returned? I can see the statement made to police now…

"Yeah well, we got a bit drunk, you know.. running around the paddock in the nude and hitting each other with sticks. And then we thought hell, why not hire a goat?"

Have you spotted some weird ads somewhere? Well just keep ’em to yourself – you don’t want everybody thinking you’re a weirdo.

Common urban tribes: Middle-aged male

Common urban commuter tribes of the 67

NAME: Middle-aged white collar male (Daggus Middleagi)

APPEARANCE: Greying or disappearing hair. Striped tie, Hush Puppies. Pullover under jacket on cold days. Plastic raincoat on wet days.

ACCESSORIES: Old beaten up briefcase. NEVER has a walkman. Always has an umbrella – just in case.

VOCABULARY: Not known to speak, apart from “Zone 1 daily please.”

OTHER ATTRIBUTES: Has difficulty keeping control of faculties when sneezing. Often drops papers all over the floor of the tram. Closely resembles George Dent in “Drop The Dead Donkey”.

Clear out

We’re attempting a major clear out of the spare room. Okay, so I’m willing to admit that it’s quite possible that the natural state of the spare room is to be messy. But this messy? What would my mother say? (Yes mum, that’s why it’s always locked and bolted shut.)

That ten year old Melways is going. Same with the old computer magazines that contain (would you believe) not a single occurance of the word "Internet" between them. Wow. They must be six, seven years old! Genuine Ancient history, folks.

And as for those old library books… Ah. Hmm. Uh oh.

Common urban tribes: Groovy women

Common urban commuter tribes of the 67

NAME: Groovy women (Hippus floppyhatti)

APPEARANCE: Never over 40. Generally wearing boots, a beret, beanie or floppy hat. Short hair and an abundance of black clothing.

ACCESSORIES: Gloves during winter. Cloth bag or one of those dicky little backpacks. Probably has a mobile phone, but then, who hasn’t?

VOCABULARY: Ciao!

OTHER ATTRIBUTES: Usually reading fashionable magazines or lecture notes, or having what sounds like an incredibly pretentious and
meaningless conversation.