Okay, time for a few home truths. It may surprise you to hear that I'm not a completely swinging manic lunatic who spends his days and nights partying, indulging in wild drinking, and making everyone in the surrounding area laugh constantly from dawn til dusk. I'm actually quite a boring individual, and you would probably fall asleep if you got stuck in a conversation with me for more than a coup
It's been what you might call an unusual week for me. Please allow me to tell you all about it. ASTONISHING EVENT #1. I really thought it would never happen. I thought it was the kind of thing that only happened on TV shows where the main character was 35 weeks pregnant. But it really happened to me. Last Wednesday, I was trapped in an elevator for a whole half-hour. Someone once said that hell
Failed business tycoon Christopher Skase is still battling extradition from Spain to face trial in Australia, claiming illness. But he doesn't seem to be attracting much sympathy. Why? Because he's taken in exile in Majorca, that's why! It's not exactly a case of "awww... poor Skasey... down and out... penniless... sunning himself on the beach in Majorca... leave him alone..." Instead it
Planes arrive late. For some reason, those in charge of planes (i.e. pilots) sometimes do very silly things, like fail to load enough fuel to quite make the distance, go via Fiji because of turbulence, forget about and overshoot Hawaii, accidentally take a wrong turning at Auckland, or even happily land in Austria before realising they're over the wrong continent. Face it, you're gonna need someth
This is a plea to any of my relatives who may be reading. (Actually, not many of my relatives do read this drivel, meaning that my standing in the family as a "fine upstanding young man with a promising career etc etc" has not yet been completely shattered. Give it time.) Don't give me any more novels to read. The backlog is getting embarrassing. They pile up in the bookshelf... Okay, I
Photocopiers. Another example of a good idea, implemented by complete sadists. I mean honestly... does it really need to have that many buttons? And do they have to have all those little symbols all over them? Surely it would be easier if each button just actually SAID what it was for. "Do the copy now", rather than just being big, blank, and green. And the thing about the photocopier i
I went on a nostalgia trip today... dragged the old 8-bit computer out of the cupboard and played a few Donkey Kong variants. Found an old magazine in a box extolling the virtues of owning an Atari 2600. Ah, those were the days... the graphics were crap, the sound was crap, the gameplay was... hmmm... but boy, was it fun. I can just imagine showing one of those things to today's Nintendo super
I'm holding, in my other hand(*), a box of twine. What strange stuff, twine. It must come from a twine factory. I wonder how many people work there. And what they say at parties when people ask them what they do. "Oh well... I make twine. Yeah, you know how when you get the packet, how one end of the twine ball is sticking out of the hole in the top. I do that. I find the end and stick it out
So, the Australian Winter Olympic team... from the land down under... from the wide brown flat land of searing sun and steaming kangaroo shit... have finally managed to get a medal. That's right, Australia has got a Winter Olympics medal for the first time ever. Bronze. And while the rest of the country bathes in the euphoria, what I want to know is, why did it take so bloody long?!
The first thing you notice about Sydney is how all the tourist attractions are within about a ten minute walk of one another. And that with a bit of careful aiming, you can get them all into one photo. The Sydney Opera House looks from a distance like giant sails against the sky, but up close it looks even more impressive. Makes you wonder why they went to that amount of trouble just for opera.