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Home life

Pram

We just bought a new pram. Oh, sorry, a stroller. It’s so much different from a pram, you know. The old one is on its last legs, that is to say, on its last wheels. Okay, so it’s not quite that far gone, but it’s getting there. We treat our prams rough. So we splashed […]

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Geek Home life

Clear out / PC Show

Clearing out some old uni notes over the weekend I found in a margin this gem of creativity that you might enjoy. Or perhaps not. "Earless Dead Geriatric Destitute Teenage Mutant Ninja Bignosed Cowboys Who Need Dental Treatment" Most of the other scrawlings on my lecture notes seemed to either be related to being extremely […]

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Home life

Haircut

Had a haircut on today. I’m don’t know how the barber does it. He just knows exactly how to cut it. I’ve been going to this guy for over a year now, every couple of months. It’s got to the point where I just sit in the chair, he asks "the usual?", I say yes, […]

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Food'n'drink Home life Melbourne

Bad Christmas poetry

Prepare for bad poetry. This is what I wanted for Christmas… (*I got these) A vacuum cleaner that doesn’t drown out the telly Self-changing nappies that don’t end up smelly Price tags that come off without a fight * Neighbours who don’t blare loud music at night Disks that don’t self destruct with my data […]

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Home life

Poo

Now I think I know what Jonathon Ross was on about when he talked about his baby daughter producing "the Exxon Valdez of poo". Yesterday we got to experience this for ourselves. My son Isaac had been saving his up. Saving it for a day and a half, in fact. There was tons of it […]

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Home life

Jolly Jumper

Hands up how many of you have babies. Have you seen the Jolly Jumper? For those not familiar with it, it’s a kind of thing that attaches the baby to the door jamb by a spring, and allows a baby who can’t yet walk (or even crawl) to bounce around. We got one on Saturday. […]

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Home life

Coming of The Vomitron!

From the womb he came. At first, he ate, slept, wet. But three months later, he had become… the VOMITRON! Projecting his spew through the air – to land on the unsuspecting parent. No t-shirt is safe, no jumper provides protection from… the VOMITRON!

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Home life

Isaac’s progress

If you wondered, the baby’s doing well. Little Isaac is settling pretty nicely into his new life. Six weeks old and he knows exactly how to get food and a cuddle: Make noise. I haven’t got the heart to tell him it doesn’t work like that throughout life. He’s growing well, though his hair still […]

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Home life

Diary of an average Australian baby

Baby’s diary. Woke up. I was hungry, so I asked for my food. The foolish parents ignored this, going to the trouble of changing my perfectly good pants. And I’d just made them nice and wet, too! They wouldn’t stop changing me, no matter how much I complained. They change me before giving me my […]

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Home life

Taps

Why do some sinks in toilets have two separate taps that come out on different sides of the sink? So to wash your hands, you either have to freeze them, burn them, or move them rapidly between taps, resulting in what is very much a half-burnt, half-frozen hands situation. One could, of course, find the […]