Nutbags

It’s always a bit alarming when people I work with start reading my Web page (hi Rishi). So much for slagging them all off. Not that I would, of course, they’re all a superb bunch of people. Honest.

A week or two ago the radio show I listen to on the way home, Martin Molloy on Fox, started a new segment, called "What’s Up Yer Bum", where people ring up and shout about things that annoy them. Most amusing it is too, but it’s kind of a shame, because it replaced a segment called "Nutbags", where people rung up and talked about weirdos they’d met. I had a story I was going to ring in with.

It’s about one of my neighbours. Of course, there’s always the danger that he’ll read it here, because we’ve spotted him surfing the Net in the local library on a few occasions. But what the hell.

One night I’d just got home from work, and was about to walk inside when he said in his loud voice "Hello!" Despite my best efforts, he started to talk to me about what he called the "X-Files Conspiracy", and his theory that the Jews have a pact with an alien race.

Uh huh. I don’t watch the X-Files, but now I wonder what the plot was about that week.

A couple of days later, he explained to my wife how he’d invented a new version of the Cathode Ray Tube, and that this exciting development would slash the cost of high definition TV.

Uh huh. Probably just a co-incidence that there’d been a story about the cost of high definition TV in the paper that morning.

Definitely one for Nutbags. If only Tony and Mick were interested anymore.

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