Lines? What lines?

(Outside Officeworks, Highett)

No time to park properly! Emergency stove purchase!

(Outside Clive Peeters, Braybrook)

My car is so cool, I can park anywhere I want.

Help our kids by eating a Parma — from today until next Thursday, $2 from every chicken parma served at 77 pubs around Melbourne (PDF list) will go to the Royal Children’s Hospital Good Friday appeal. Yes, more than ever, superparma.com is sadly missed.

I can’t give you a picture rivalling this carpark mishap in Brighton, but I did snap this one the other day.

No, the car didn’t have a disabled sign. And there was plenty of other (legal) parking a few metres away.

“What is this ‘One Way’ of which you speak?”

(Picture snapped on their second revolution of the car park.)

I may not be the world’s foremost expert on driving, but even I could see you made two critical mistakes driving out of the supermarket carpark.

1. You drove the wrong way around the one-way system.

2. Your baby was on the lap of your passenger.

I hope that you were pulled over and booked on the way home. But if not, I hope you didn’t collide with anything.

You, sir, are a thoughtless moron.

PS. You’re not doing the reputation of P-platers any good, either.

My car is dark grey. A recent study found that dark-coloured cars are more prone to accidents. In the rain, like this morning, I drive with my lights on, for visibility.

It’s like my friend Merlin, who rides a motorcycle. Where he lives in Canberra, you apparently don’t have to ride with your motorcycle headlight on (or didn’t, when I asked him about it a few years ago). But he said “my bike is road-coloured, so I do”. Sounds fair enough.

But note to self: Turn car lights off when parking.

That way, I won’t get back to it 9 hours later and find the battery flat and have to call the RACV guy and run the motor for a while to get the battery charged again. Like I did tonight.

…

On the bright side, at least I didn’t park it like this, across two parking spaces:

Or go driving like this:

You don’t have to be a 4WD owner to drive like a moron. Even Prius owners do it sometimes.

The other contender this week was red Mercedes TLH 385, zooming down Jasper Road with at least one indicator and brake light not working, tail-gating and generally driving like a maniac on Wednesday night.

Also seen this week: multi-level parking for bicycles.

What “Keep left” sign?

Whatdyamean, “Keep Left”?

Tram stop? What tram stop?

It doesn’t apply to me.

I’ll go where I want.

(Sorry about the pic quality.)