Stupid grunty cars

Here’s a draft of a bulletin I’ll send out at some stage after I’ve taken over as Grand Emperor of the World and established my benevolent dictatorship.

Dear owners of stupid grunty noisy cars,

I hereby decree that you have three choices for your stupid grunty noisy cars:

1. You may, at your expense, have your car altered to remove the stupid grunty noise;

2. You may have your car sent to be crushed and recycled; or

3. You may continue to drive your stupid grunty noisy car, but limited to daylight hours only, and only in designated hoon areas.

(I’m still considering my position on stupid grunty motorbikes, and may rule the same way for them.)

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8 thoughts on “Stupid grunty cars”

  1. 1
    Greg Bulmash says:

    4. If you do not agree to one of the three options above, we will have your car sent to be crushed and recycled… with you in it.

  2. 2
    Andrew says:

    Nothing quite disturbs the serenity of the highrise as much as noisy motor bikes. The untouchables.

  3. 3
    Tony says:

    Best thing about people across the road moving out is the inconsiderate #^#$#^ no longer warms his stupid grunty car up at 5.00am. Now just to deal with stupid grunty motorbike neighbours and all will be well.

  4. 4
    Andrew V says:

    Benevolent dictatorship!? Really?! Since when has a dictatorship ever been “benevolent”? Just ask anyone who survived the Holocaust, or anyone living in Cuba, Venezuela or North Korea today!

    Sure, I get that you’re joking Daniel, know that you are expressing your wish to stop all noisy cars, which I’m not necessarily against, as they can be a nuisance ( almost as much as Vespas in Italy- they are a real pain!)! But think about the concept of a benevolent dictatorship- some social engineer coming in to tell you how to run your life…… hang on, that seems to be happening now!! It might sound good if it’s done according to your views, but what’s to stop someone who you oppose to enforce their way of life on you?

    Once again, I appreciate the joking and wishful nature, but just be careful what you wish for- it cuts both ways!

  5. 5
    Daniel says:

    hahaha, funny comment Andrew V. Even invoking Godwin’s Law!

    At least, I assume it’s meant to be humorous. I mean, it’s not like I just made up the concept of a benevolent dictatorship, or that it’s central to the subject of the post, or indeed that I ever expect to be made Grand Emperor of the World.

  6. 6
    Shaz says:

    definately ditch the motorcycles! i have a swarm of about 20 that zoom past my house at 11.15 every tuesday night – i could set my clock to them! some are the whiney mosquito sounding ones and some are the noisy fart sounding ones, but one thing is for sure im sure as hell i am not the only one they are keeping awake!

  7. 7
    Noel Goddard says:

    Andrew V *did* get a little intense.

    I was just going to point out that a “dictator” would probably only be “benevolent” to, with or about stuff the dictator liked. Such “benevolence” would likely be toned down or even disappear when applied to stuff the dictator disliked. Like n,g, cars (and bkes). ;-)

    Benevolence can be a bit of a moving target …

  8. 8
    Chris says:

    … and a catering sized baked bean tin tack-welded on the tail pipe does not a sports exhaust make!

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