Fri 31 August 2007 - Clean swear words
Scott Adams has been making up his own cuss phrases. [Warning: coarse language]
I’ve been pondering what is the most abusive but non-swearing language one can use. The kind of thing you can say if, say, a car driver cuts you off or almost mows you down in a spectacularly stupid way, but your kids are present and you don’t want to be seen actually swearing.
There’s a number of Haddock-esque terms you could use, but so far I think the one I’m happiest with (and I know will spring to mind when needed) is moron.
- Long-time readers of my blog/email list will recall Moron of the Week, which highlighted moronic car drivers.
August 31st, 2007 at 8:30am
Yeah, “moron” is a good term when the kids are in the car.
Or yell “typical 4-wheel drive owner” (I use to say Volvo driver, but that seems to have changed).
And when you’re on your own, shout: “You f%*#-wit”.
Rog.
August 31st, 2007 at 10:44am
Yeah, moron would work for me. Or I could swear in French, one of the benefits (?) of growing up in Quebec, and having french friends who taught us how to swear in French. Sacrement colis S–T! comes to mind. Or Sacre bleu! Anyhow, not exactly great ways to show our control, but yes, these things do happen. But… better to cuss under your breath, and take the guys plate number, and report it to the policeman than have a silly confrontation with the moron, as I did one day. Got out of hand wayyyyyy too quickly, and things could have gotten really ugly. Stupid move on my part to stop and yell at him. Ah well, will hopefully be better armed next time it happens.
August 31st, 2007 at 2:06pm
The Japanese language doesn’t have many swearwords at all. There are terms which can be intense, but never reach the levels of English. The most common one - ‘baka’ (idiot) - tends to get more aggressive with speed, streess, intonation. I think the worst you can get here is saying to a local “Oh, I thought you were Chinese/Korean!” - now, that’ll get a reaction!
My father-in-law shouted at someone on a roadtrip last year. The wife and mother-in-law were quite shocked - the Japanese don’t tend to lose it in public. In any respect, my father-in-law didn’t swear at that time - it was the tone of his voice that surprised the passengers!
August 31st, 2007 at 4:30pm
Not exactly clean but most people will think it clean if you say “Spear delay tea scurvy sin yeah!” or “Carver two for your match!” You should be careful, however, and not use it around anyone who speaks Polish as they will think the first is a suggestion regarding what they should do and the second is a claim regarding the professional status of their mother.
August 31st, 2007 at 5:58pm
I’ve never sweared which I know is a bit odd (something to do with my genes I guess) but luckily I dont drive a car. However when something else gets me ‘angry’ I do get frustrated in trying to audilbly voice how I feel. I’ll try moron and see how it feels !
September 1st, 2007 at 8:57am
nuncle
September 1st, 2007 at 10:14am
My language has perforce been cleaned up since having the kids. My most common expletives (in or out of the car) are “Jeepers Creepers!!”, “Darn”, and “Poopit.” My kids freely use all of these, along with my Mum’s “Heavens to Betsy”. Fortunately people think a 2-year-old dropping her ice-cream and noting, “Ah POOPIT! Jeepers Creepers!” is cute rather than off-putting.
September 1st, 2007 at 1:42pm
“twunt” is the best word ever.
September 1st, 2007 at 11:27pm
I like Yosemite Sam’s style yer rackin’ frackin’ carrot chewin’ varmint!
September 2nd, 2007 at 3:50am
Smeg!
September 3rd, 2007 at 11:52am
Poppycock!
(teehe)
September 3rd, 2007 at 9:10pm
For expressions of frustration:
“FLIP!”
“FLIPPING HECK”
“RASPBERRIES”
Derogatory names:
“PIRATE”
“REJECT”
“TOOL”
And my favourite expression, taken from the movie “Dodgeball”
“YOU’RE ABOUT AS USEFUL AS A POOPY-FLAVOURED LOLLIPOP” (the original expletive wasn’t poopy, but a pseudonym for the male genatalia … just trying to keep it at clean as possible but I’m sure you can imagine)
September 4th, 2007 at 8:33am
I’ve always enjoyed “Blast (it)”, “Curse (it)” or “For Gaia’s sake”.
September 4th, 2007 at 4:25pm
Tool, hero or my all-time favourite from a Melbourne tram driver: Your actions show that you are an uneducated and impolite individual.
September 6th, 2007 at 7:23pm
Grunt-futtock.
September 6th, 2007 at 8:46pm
How about instead of “Oh sh*t!” or “Oh f**k!” saying “Oklahoma!” It has worked for me for years.