I’ve finally figured out how to fix the washing machine when the outlet hose gets blocked up, thus avoiding a $75 call-out fee and the inconvenience of having to arrange to be at home when the repair man goes.

1. Take clothes dryer off the top (it’s slightly lighter than it looks) and move it out of the way somewhere.

2. Using superhuman strength, pull washing machine out from wall, so you can get at the back of it.

3. Find drill/screwdriver, and attempt to take back off machine.

4. Swear, as two of the five screws stubbornly refuse to move. Wish you’d got a more powerful drill.

5. Calm down as you try a different screwdriver bit, which successfully removes the screws.

6. Be amazed at the inside of your washing machine. Note especially the whole springy bit that the main drum thingy sits on, so it won’t cause an earthquake when the spin cycle runs.

7. Locate outlet pipe, down the bottom somewhere. Realise you didn’t need to take the back off to get at it — it’s accessible from the bottom of the machine, which can be achieved by leaning it up against the wall. Try to figure out how to loosen the pipe to look inside.

8. Use pliers to loosen the wire things holding the pipe on. Start swearing again as water gushes out. Quick, find a towel or two.

9. Successfully exricate sock from pipe. Note big hole in sock. Throw sock away.

10. Put pipe back on. Set machine to do rinse cycle to try it out, as well as get the soap suds out of the clothes still in the machine.

11. Start swearing again when you realise the pipe went back on loose, and water is again gushing out all over the floor. Begin to recall why you used to pay a repairman to do this. Get more towels.

12. Fiddle with pipe and pliers again to tighten it. Give it a tug with your hand to see if it comes loose this time.

13. Put back on.

14. Put machine and dryer back in place, and do the next load of washing. All socks, jocks, hankies and other smallish items to go in a laundry bag from this point on.

15. Make note to go and blog about experience, so you have a full set of instructions for next time.