When I moved, I rang up the phone company to get my new number, which like the old one, is silent, to dodge telemarketers. I also asked if it was a fresh, unused number, and the operator said it hadn’t been used in five years. Excellent.

And to avoid telemarketing calls, I’ve started quoting a 7010-xxxx number if any company demands my home phone number when I think they have no good reason for having it. ‘Cos it’s not like banks, airlines, charities or newspaper/magazine subscription people ever ring you up to tell you something important. No, it’s always marketing. When it’s something important they write you a letter instead.

Why 7010-xxxx? In the 03 region, 7010-xxxx is allocated for use in works of fiction. So it should get past any pesky data validation that these companies have. And they can ring the fictional Daniel.

The only people I want ringing me at home are those friends and family members I’ve given my number to.

That’s the theory. But alas, a few days after moving: *ring ring* The display said it was from an Out Of Area number.

I picked it up. Silence for a few seconds. I should have known to hang up.

“Is Mr Van Ferdinand there?”, a subcontinental voice asked.

Sigh. “No, you have a wrong number”, I replied, not giving anything about my name away.

She apologised for having out of date data (very out of date if this number was last used five years ago), then said she’d talk to me instead, and without taking a breath started to tell me about how wonderful Optus is.

At the first opportunity I got to get a word in edgeways, I said rapidly “I’m not interested, thank you, goodbye” and hung up.

It would seem I haven’t quite avoided them.