Yesterday morning I awoke, stumbled into the livingroom and turned on the heater to take the edge off the cold. Wandered out to get the newspaper, unwrapped it, sat down on the floor to have a quick look at it. Glanced over to the heater. Crawling with ants. Ants carrying small white things. Were they there when I turned the heater on moments earlier? I don’t know — I had been half asleep.

I let out an cry which merged the feelings of anguish, frustration and shock, which brought the kids into the room wondering what the fuss might be about.

I’ve long suspected there might be termites in the roof. From time to time mysterious black things have come down… previously in the bathroom, they are presently appearing in the kitchen. Most people’s suggestions last time were that it was termites, though my favourite guess was that it was alien dandruff.

But these things on the heater were white. Perhaps these were termite eggs, a delicious delicacy to the ants? Sorry, I didn’t get a picture. I vaccuumed and wiped them up, and the ants disappeared. I’m now counting down the days until I move out… (eleven, if you wondered)