Dear Origin energy,

I’m not interested in switching electricity companies. Not that it would really be a switch, since the power coming down the lines to my house wouldn’t change at all. No, all I’d be switching is who sends me power bills. And unless you’re about to tell me that your bills are so incredibly aesthetically pleasing that they’ve won major design awards and this will somehow be of advantage to me, I’m not even tempted.

In fact I’m about to sign up for your rival AGL’s green energy plan. It may not be the ultimate in clean power, but given the government’s reluctance to replace the filthly brown coal power stations with something a little cleaner, I figure they need all the encouragement they can get. Roll on with the wind farms, I reckon.

So don’t send poorly paid young men around to my house to knock on the door precisely when I’m in the middle of things and not expecting visitors. Real visitors ring first. Oh, but don’t ring me up either. If you must bug me, do it by mail - electronic or paper, I don’t really care, as long as I can ignore your offers with the least effort possible.

Oh, unless you can solve my conundrum over the kitchen fluorescent light, and its mysterious non-universal starter. If you can fix that for me, I’ll sign up for your bills, no problems.