What the FUCK do you think you’re doing, Mr White Stationwagon? Where the FUCK did you get your driver’s licence? Why the FUCK do you think you can decide as you’re driving through an intersection in the left hand lane, that you are suddenly going to turn right, across three lanes of traffic, cutting me off as I’m about to turn right the other way, leaving my car helplessly stuck in the intersection? It’s not as if that’s a FUCKING hook turn there, and even if it was, you didn’t do it FUCKING properly, did you?

Ahem. Pardon that burst of invective, but I don’t particularly like having sudden scares like that as I’m peacefully driving home of an evening. I think I’ll eat some chocolate.

The rest of the day before that was comparitively calm. Went to work, did stuff, had dinner, headed home.

At Melbourne Central Station I tried to balance on some weirdo bar things they’ve installed, which are too low to sit on or lean against, and got out the book I’ve been reading, Sue Townsend’s Public Confessions of a Middle-Aged Woman. It’s not quite as compelling as Adrian Mole ever was, and on some train journeys I can’t be bothered getting it out to read it. But I’ll keep at it for a bit longer, if only because (a) my sister gave it to me, and I’d feel guilty if I didn’t give it a proper go, and (b) given its extremely pink cover, to prove I’m comfortable with my sexuality by reading it in public.

When I got off the train I wandered into the supermarket, thinking I might pick up one or two items, and coming out with $25 worth. The teenaged checkout chick was astonishingly chirpy to each customer, jabbering away as she scanned things, asking if I’d been at work, had it been a hard day, how many hours I worked (?!) and finally remarking as she scanned the two chocolate bilbies I’d bought for the kids’ Easter presents, “Oh! They’re so cute!” It’s situations like these that I always wonder what the reaction would be if a jumbo box of condoms was in the mix.

It’s been a fun April Fools Day, scouring the media for spoof reports. On the net the most successful has been the Google “G-Mail” one, having been picked up by the major outlets including CNN, BBC and News.com. I suppose they can all claim later they were in on the joke. The original press release pretty much gives it away. ABC Online originally covered it like the others, but now seems suspicious. Funny stuff.

PS. 2/1/2004. Or is it real after all??

Late yesterday (31/3) I was contacted by a major publisher, who propose adapting my diary into a book. They want to use all of it going back to 1994, and if all goes well plan to put it out in time for Fathers Day (September) in Australia and NZ, with a view to UK, USA and Canada for Christmas or early next year.

Obviously they are keen to protect possible revenue, and have asked that the diary be taken offline. I will discuss this with them in the next few days and hope to get at least some material back here, but in the meantime, I apologise for any inconvenience.

Happy April Fools’ Day. Bet it doesn’t fool anybody.

Still, thought it was better than claiming I’d been dooced or something.