Dear spammers,

I am not throwing away money, and I don’t have a home loan that needs re-financing.

I don’t understand teenagers, let alone Swedish ones, and have no wish to watch them.

I don’t want to buy any remote control mini-cars.

My penis is of adequate size, thanks.

I’m busy enough as it is, so I’m not looking for any business opportunities.

I don’t believe I have an overdue account with you.

I don’t need a list of 9 faux pas to avoid (though some might argue otherwise).

I get through very few printer cartridges, especially since my printer broke down.

I don’t need a new car warranty, as I don’t have a new car, and don’t plan to buy one in the forseeable future.

I have no wish to send bulk e-mails to millions of people.

I am not, and never have been, an African American.

I’d rather my own doctor prescribed medicines for me.

Telling me your product is advertised on CBS, NBC and even Oprah is unlikely to convince me of its benefits.

I am not stupid enough to fall for a Nigerian scam, no matter how many times you ask.

It’s unlikely that I’ve won a lottery, as I don’t enter any.

I already have a degree that serves me quite well. I think if I want another one, I intend to learn something while I get it.

I’m pretty happy with my weight.

And I don’t want my dreams to come true — they’re a little weird, frankly.

Thanks anyway.