Goodies Geeks from around the nation (and a couple from overseas) converged on Melbourne this weekend for the world’s first ever Goodies convention. Australia is full of people in their twenties and thirties who fondly remember The Goodies as the result of endless 6pm repeats on the ABC for most of the 70’s and 80’s. In fact the show is probably better known in Australia than anywhere else in the world.

Was it something I said?

The first day of the convention was Friday, and I went along to the Dallas Brooks Centre, which amusingly, being a Masonic centre, had lots of pictures of blokes in aprons around the place. First person I saw waiting in the foyer was local stand-up comedian Dave O’Neill, and soon after talking him was Kate Langbroek from The Panel. Turns out a Comedy Channel TV crew were with them, doing a little chat with the convention guest, Goody Tim Brooke-Taylor.

Tim, rather unexpectedly for most of us, showed up shortly afterwards, and shook hands with everyone in a row (a bit like the Queen) and was very cheerful. A few of the girls asked for (and got) hugs, though most of the blokes settled for a simple handshake. Apart from being extremely nice, he also struck me - and it wasn’t just me, other people thought so - as being a bit shorter than expected. Because The Goodies was full of gags about Bill being shorter than Graeme and Tim, this was something of a surprise. He claimed later he was 5 foot 9, and then admitted 5 foot 8 and three quarters, which was probably about right.

Afterwards I attempted to mingle, rather than be doomed to spend the whole weekend not getting to know anybody present, and found myself chatting to a couple of fellow Goodies fans, trying (successfully) to work out the significance of the objects in the convention "show" bag.

We settled into tables for the Trivia Night, and our team ("Twinkle", named after the Giant Kitten) didn’t do too badly. We didn’t win, but we were only about 5 points behind the leader at the end of the game, and we impressed ourselves several times with some of the extremely trivial and obscure answers we managed to get right. It was a mix of questions, some about The Goodies, some about other Brit TV shows. All in all it required the winning participants to have a quite alarming amount of their brain capacities set aside for Goodies, Python, and other Britcom quotes, theme music, and various other (normally useless) trivia.

Thanks to my sister and mum babysitting on Saturday I was able to attend a handful of sessions; a fascinating question and answer session with TBT, where he once again showed his charm and wit, answering any number of questions in a highly amusing manner. Following this was an charity auction, during which a few individuals stood out as having vast sums of money to purchase various Goodies and other memorabilia. The girl sitting next to me bought a brilliant publicity photo of the three Goodies, which she later got signed by Tim at the autograph session, and planned to have framed.

I came back after dinner for the video linkup, where Tim chatted with and took questions for Graeme Garden (plus, for a few seconds, a really bad toupee) and Bill Oddie, back somewhere in England. That was terrific, both BO and GG were very funny, and related some very amusing stories, such as when Bill was performing The Last Chance Dance, and jokingly said the normally partially obscured line of the song "I suppose a fuck is out of the question?" to an audience member, and was told "No!". I think all three Goodies were rather bemused that there should be so much enthusiasm in Australia for a 30-year-old programme that most of the rest of the world seems to have forgotten.

When the chat finished up, a few people, myself included, went next door for a drink or two and a dance in the brilliantly named Disco Billius (another show reference), before I headed home.

On Sunday I caught the afternoon question and answer session, which covered some more good stories, such as that Tim was one of the original Four Yorkshiremen and that it took him years for the Pythons’ agents to give him any hint of royalties for it.

All in all, a great weekend of Goodies. And with my renewed interest in the show, Isaac has been hooked. He wants to see the Giant Kitten episode, and has been walking around singing "Goodies… Goody Goody Yum Yum" most of the weekend.

Just when I thought all of the moving stuff was sorted out, and at least the phone lines were working properly…

On Tuesday morning, my second (Internet) line kept dropping out. Three times in just a few hours; most unusual. Were aliens trying to cut me off from the outside world?

Midday. I picked up the handset plugged into the line to see if any extra-terrestrials were using the line to phone home, and momentarily encountered what seemed to be a human voice on the line. Then nothing. So I looked out the window: sure enough, four Telstra guys with four Telstra vans, working across the street. I went over and asked them if they were affecting my line. They said probably. Great.

2pm - Gave up and started using the primary (voice) line

4pm - Switched back, only to find no dial tone! Look out of window; the Telstra guys were gone. Marvellous.

4:10pm - Looked on bill to find number to ring. It wasn’t there. In fact it said "Fault reporting: Please call our 24 hour helpline", with a gap where it looked like the number should go!

4:20pm - Find the phone number elsewhere and ring Telstra faults. Have a whinge to them about how it was probably their own workmen that cut the line. The lady says she’ll send out a technician, but to have a word with them if they come back.

Wednesday 8:45am - The Telstra guys are back so I go and talk to them. They check their lists and diagrams and mess about with wires. Shortly afterwards, the line is working again.

8:55am - I try to ring Faults back from the voice line to cancel the call out. But I can’t get through; I just get a message saying they cannot connect the call… oh terrific! Is this irony or what? Two attempts and I give up… I have, after all, got better things to do.

4:45pm - The Telstra faults guy visits, only to be told it’s now working. D’oh!

I also managed to lock myself out of the house today. Well, that is, I didn’t do it… but somebody (not naming any names, but I have two house guests who were the last to leave this morning) locked the lock on the front door for which I don’t have a key, and which I subsequently leave unlocked. If it had occurred to me, I would have asked the Telstra guys working across the road to borrow a ladder, but instead I rang Peter, who wasn’t far away, and arrived with his ladder for me to shinny up to an open window, while hoping those eagle-eyed Neighbourhood Watch people I’m always reading about in their newsletters weren’t calling the police.

Well the boxes are just about unpacked and the spare room is looking halfway decent(ish) again, which is just as well because my sister and her boyfriend are coming to visit tomorrow night.

The really good news is that the real estate agent managed to find some people to move into the other flat over the weekend, so don’t have to pay any more rent on it. Mind you, it took about three hours of solid professional cleaning (thanks Mum) to get it into a state where I’d get my bond back. Maybe they were being fussy; I’m not sure how it could get so decrepit in the space of just two months.

I think every person and organisation I originally told I had moved has been told that I’ve moved back. The only ones I’m expecting any trouble from are online CD retailer ChaosMusic, who have apparently having some trouble finding the last CD of a 3 disc order I placed in late February, and The Age, who never actually responded to my e-mail request to move my newspaper subscription, but I have this fear in the back of my mind that months later when I’ve forgotten all about it, maybe a student trainee will finally find the request and action it.

No really earth shattering events this week, though one of the ladies in the supermarket asked me where my wife is. That’s a conversation I could do without having: I know she’s staunchly Catholic and would probably keel over if told the full truth straight off, so I managed to look hurried and shouted as I escaped to another aisle that "she’s gone away".

This coming Easter weekend is the "Kitten Kon" Goodies convention, which should be fun. The Goodies was one of the five biggest influences over my childhood, the others being Lego,Doctor Who, Tintin
and Usborne Books. So I’ve coughed up the cash to rub shoulders with fellow Goodies Geeks, and for the chance to see (a rather aging, I suspect) Tim Brooke-Taylor in the flesh. Or at least in his Union Jack waistcoat.

Boxes, boxes, everywhere

This past week I’ve been getting things organised, doing all the stuff I need to fully move back.

• The other flat, for one thing, the one I was living in for about four weeks before I moved back here! I went in to see the agents, and explained I had to finish the lease early. The girl kept saying "but you just moved in!", but put things in motion, and in fact there’s already someone interested in it who came around for a look, which is good because I’ll be paying rent there until someone else moves in.
• During the week I started moving more of my stuff out of there, and on Saturday Peter and I moved all the big stuff out, which mostly consisted of swearing and cursing as we lugged three bookshelves, a filing cabinet and a fridge back out of there. Then Sunday and today I lugged the rest of the small stuff back. I swear if I never have to move again, that’ll suit me fine. Or I’ll make sure to pay some movers next time. A bunch of money is a small price to pay for your sanity.
• Got OneTel to send the phone bill to my e-mail address, instead of the non-existent one they had been planning to send it to.
• I moved the phone line that I had over there back here for use (again) as my second (Internet) line. The Telstra
  bloke was quite helpful except that it turned out that in the month I’d been away, the line here had been altered - from a working state to a non-working state, and it took a day or two to sort it out. The bloke also tried, like all good corporate citizens, to see what else he could sell me while I was on the phone. A Bigpond preview CD, fair enough. But Telstra Easymail?! Get real!
• Moved the RACV address. Will move the car insurance and cancel the contents insurance tomorrow.
• Disconnected the power. Water and gas tomorrow when they’re open. Shame there’s no way to ring one central number. Especially as the IVR prompts all sound the same. I like the way United Energy charge you a $23 connection fee to connect power that’s already connected.

Now, if I can just unpack all these damn boxes (again)…

The Bowens: revised configuration

Life as a single dad is going reasonably smoothly. It’s refreshing to be able to run the house the way I want. At last we can leave the toilet seat up without guilt!

Other things we’ve been doing have included:

• spending a whole weekend without going near a Lincraft
  or Spotlight
• shamelessly leave the washing up until the next day
• teaching the kids to say "Aussie Aussie Aussie! Oi Oi Oi!"
• mastering the art of avoiding the ironing 
• working out which Cold Chisel
  song is Jeremy’s
  favourite (it’s Khe Sahn)
• being disorganised enough to eat fish’n'chips for lunch, and fish fingers and mashed potato for dinner